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The know how of branding

Lisa, vam­pi­res are make-belie­ve, like elves, grem­lins, and Eski­mos. We star­ted out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tra­ge­dy. Attemp­ted mur­der? Now honest­ly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Pri­ze for attemp­ted che­mi­stry? Get rea­dy, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mocking­bird,” and it gave me abso­lute­ly no insight on how to kill mocking­birds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Wea­se­ling out of things is important to learn. It’s what sepa­ra­tes us from the animals…except the wea­sel. You know, the one with all the well mea­ning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Chris­tia­ni­ty. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be mil­lion­aires! We could buy all kinds of use­ful things like…love! Son, when you par­ti­ci­pa­te in spor­ting events, it’s not whe­ther you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Inflamm­a­ble means flamm­a­ble? What a country.

Uh, no, you got the wrong num­ber. This is 9–1…2. Homer no func­tion beer well without. I stand by my racial slur. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wan­na drink ano­t­her woman! They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homo­se­xu­als flaming.

No child­ren have ever medd­led with the Repu­bli­can Par­ty and lived to tell about it. Homer no func­tion beer well without. Ahoy hoy? We star­ted out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tra­ge­dy. Oh, lone­li­ness and cheese­bur­gers are a dan­ge­rous mix. Get rea­dy, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!

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Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mocking­bird,” and it gave me abso­lute­ly no insight on how to kill mocking­birds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? I’m a Spal­ding Gray in a Rick Dees world. You don’t win friends with salad. The Inter­net King? I won­der if he could pro­vi­de fas­ter nudity…

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